Kingdom 9

Why I Never Post

2011-11-22T23:39:00.011-05:00

For all two of my readers, I'm going to lay it all on the line. I just don't post. Practically ever. You probably don't really care, as this blog isn't exactly the highlight of your lives, but I tend to think that if I sit down and hammer out a post on my blog someone will stumble upon it and be all like "This is the greatest blog EVAR!"

The only problem is this one, simple fact: I make writing extremely 'effing difficult. Over the years I've seen so many movies, pictures, t.v. characters etc. that showcase writers all laid back and calm, sipping hot coffee in a corner of a cafe as they type up an amazing something.

Unfortunately that's not me.

There are about a ellebenty thousand arbitrary ritualistic rules I put on myself for writing. Like, right now? I'm trying to ignore most of them. I've brushed my teeth, brushed my hair twice, and gone to the bathroom twice. Now three times (brought on because I thought of it). I go to the bathroom as a part of this weird pacing regime. When I first started writing, I was almost always completely alone in a house when I wrote. I would write a couple sentences, get up and pace back and forth through a couple of rooms with some sort of inner monologue concerning what I was writing about. It's a weird tick, I know, but it worked for me. But since then I've moved into a place with other people. I can't pace throughout the house anymore, and my ticks must be confined to my own room. I can tell you, there's not much pacing to do in one room. So I wind up with this overwhelming urge to pee every 20 minutes or so. I tried to appease my pacing oddity with just kind of standing in my room shuffling a little side to side or swaying back and forth, but doing so brought these horrible images to my mind of crazy people in mental hospitals that do that, and got freaked out that perhaps this is how it started.

The biggest 'rule' I'm ignoring is the clean and organized desk rule. My desk is currently piled with stuff, and I just can't really concentrate because for every phrase I type I stop and think "I need to put the box for my Photoshop program away. Where can I put it? I don't just want to toss it in my desk area. Maybe in my bottom drawer? No, that's where my electronics go. Maybe I should just take the disk out of the box and put it in my cd case that has all my other programs in it? AND THROW AWAY THE BOX?!?" That's just one item.

And, if it was just the problem of the desk, that wouldn't be that bad. I could technically organize my desk in a half hour or so, but I can't organize my desk, because there are a few items to be put in other places. So, I'll pick up something off my desk, go to put it in its place, only to start fumbling with everything else that's there, re-assessing why I've put it there and trying to decide if there is a better place for it.

Wow, am I on a tangent. Back to blogging. So yeah. Writing is seriously hard when you're an effing psycho. I recently purged a couple big time rules I had about my blog, namely I'm going to write about what the heck I want to write for the sake of writing. I've tried to keep a more... um... formal writing style, usually trying to be informative with some of my posts, and I've spent years desperately thinking about a theme or area of topics to stick to. But since I can't write anyway, might as well not write about everything. Another arbitrary thing I've slaved under is this horrible fear of unoriginality. I don't want to possibly write in a way that's similar to someone else. Now I'm like "Eff that. I'll write how I want, even if I want to write like someone else."

Take this post for example. I was cruising the internet a few weeks ago when I came across this blog, and was amazed by two things: This person was hilarious as all get-out, and "Holy crap, I can draw pictures for a blog?!?"

I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind before: A blog doesn't have to be a giant wall 'o' text. It doesn't have to be about something uber-important, or written in some amazing Oxford-style writing.

i coold eeven ryte lik dis if I wanted to. But I don't want to because people that write like that make me want to falcon punch babies.

But from now on I'll just write about whatever the heck I feel like writing. In anyway I feel like writing.

Last Holdout (pt. 1)

2011-08-19T15:03:00.007-04:00

Who is the Last Holdout?

It's a dirty sentence for me to say, but I'm hurtling headlong into the ripe-old-age of 28. My age doesn't bother me. The numbers can't really compare the the rather interesting life I've lived so far. There's been quite a bit of adventure for me, considering I'm still so young.

However, I'm finding myself pushing deeper into a rather imposing and increasingly desolate territory: happily single. Never married. No kids. Some look at me, tilting their heads slightly to the side, thinking "Aww... how sad, maybe someday..." I find the sentiment vaguely understandable - albeit slightly pretentious. However, the pity is unnecessary. I'm happily single. Unattached does not equal alone; childless does not equal unfulfilled.

While I am not lonely, I do find myself at times alienated to some degree. In my post-teen years, the number of my peer group being single was the majority. Yet after age twenty, the singles' scene began a rapid decrease. Although I was still gathered with many single friends and such, I witnessed several friends - close friends - marry, have children, and begin new lives. Now, we've always heard of the phrase "Begin a new life together", but we didn't realize that there was a whole second half of that sentence. The full sentence that needs to be said is "The two will begin a new life together - without you." Somehow it's never been fully explained to me that single people and married people do not really hang out together. There's some sort of threshold crossed once a couple becomes married.

As time went on, I began to see my circle of friends dwindle. We became a tight pack of close-knit friends, but one by one they would marry or perhaps move away to bigger and better places. I myself, moved, and found myself trying to scratch up a new set of single friends. Awkwardness was evident, as I would be invited to "girls nights" that wound up being nothing more than moms babysitting their own kids while watching movies, or starting to overhear more and more about marriage woes. The most awkward, naturally, is the dreaded questions or "cute" comments pointed in my direction about when I was going to ante-up to the matrimony gods and begin my procreation (anyone else get the "You're next" statement at a wedding?). Or worse - being asked if I was lesbian "because you just don't seem to be interested in dating..."

After a lot of frustration I began to learn the ultimate truth that I was a Last Holdout. What's that, you ask? A Last Holdout is a person who's managed to make it past the age group that most people get married. Simply put, it's the chronically single person in a world that believes it shan't be single. It's a very singular (no pun intended) position in society, one that holds frustrations and certain moments of alienation, yet has equally fantastic opportunities and perks that only us Last Holdouts can reach.

Could I Be a Last Holdout?

Mostly, people hit that feeling of being "the only single person left on the planet" once they reach 26. I don't know why we pair up in only about 6 years or so, but that seems to be a biological clock that just doesn't change (and why would we?). Ergo, if you're only 19 and you think you're a Holdout? You probably just didn't have many friends to begin with. There's plenty of single friends to be had. But if you can relate to the above, you're likely to be a Holdout. A few more symptoms are things such as finding that you make or have more friends outside of your age group, and of course being the only single person on the girls/guys night. I think most people are capable of diagnosing themselves.

It's a great and terrible position to be in, depending on how much you want to be married. I myself enjoy the freedoms of single life, so I'm finding new perks of being a Holdout. However, there's a lot that we all (Holdouts, young singles, and married people) need to learn to properly utilize the lofty - yet precarious - place.

The Heavy Hand of Willing Ignorance

2011-08-12T10:40:00.004-04:00

So... I have a friend that was completely clueless about the rioting in London, because she doesn't ever see the news unless it's spoon-fed to her through friends on Facebook. I told her that she could check the headlines from her phone and it would take about 5 minutes. She responded with "I don't have time." REALLY? We have time to sit and watch full dvd's of t.v. shows and movies and time to sit out and tan, time to hang about with friends and families for hours on end, but we don't have FIVE MINUTES to find out what's going on the world? We don't have FIVE MINUTES to educate yourself and - I don't know - end our own ignorance? I wish we Americans would grow a pair and stop making excuses for our apathy and just say "I don't want to because I just don't care if it's not entertaining to me."

I've spent a lot of time pointing out who's at fault for our nation's debt crisis, foreign policy faux pas and such, but I'm beginning to see that - in it's essence - the real blame is a lot closer to home than I before thought. I can't blame the President, Congress, the House or anyone in the seats of power alone, for it's the apathetic voters of our nation that rely on everyone else to tell them what to think. It's the fact that we will gladly gain our opinions from the entertainers such as John Stewart and Saturday Night Live rather than spend some time reading up on "boring" policy reviews. We quietly muddled through history classes in high school and college, and that's all the history we possibly want to read.

We live in a society who's people pride themselves on side-stepping difficulties, and when we cannot ignore difficulties completely, we tend to throw important things a Proverbial Bone, providing as little of our attention as possible in effort to move on to more pleasurable opportunities. We love jovial television and hate heavy reading; we spend days following an inflammatory comment list on a political blog and refuse to look up public documents explaining how our government works; we exclaim brazen headlines in bold print and sign our names onto contracts without bothering to read the fine print.

I used to think that my generation didn't want to read up on political viewpoints simply because we were disillusioned by the elitist attitude of Washington. Now I see how the elitist attitude grew in Washington out of the people's disinterest. If someone ran for office by explaining policy plans and economic forecasts, he or she is widely ignored - but if someone can run with a fun catch-phrase and can turn a joke or two, and especially if an appearance can be made on late-night t.v. he or she wins by a landslide. The masses want their drug of non-thinking, and we want it now.

So we are now beginning to get what we wanted - a government that will do all the thinking for us. It will take as much money from us as it feels is necessary to hand out to the masses, to provide for people that don't work. And then those that are taking our money will flash a smile and make jokes, and give the American people a pat on the head for being such a "good" American people for giving hand-outs to people that abuse the system to their every advantage, all the while the economy sputters and dies. But we wanted this, right? We don't have to check the news, we don't need to know what's going on. There's a re-run of Glee on right now.

If we aren't going to change our actions, let's at least change our words. We need to stop saying "I don't have time," and say what we're really meaning: "I just don't care because it's not fun." That way when we're straining under the heavy hand of the people that run our country, we'll stop blaming them and realize it's our own lack participation, our own laziness and apathy, our own willing ignorance that put the heavy hand of totalitarian-styled leadership over us.

The Suck Zone

2011-07-17T17:41:00.008-04:00

Have you ever tried to stuff a boiled egg into a bottle? I'm sure most people have better things to do. But if you did, you'd realize it is a pretty futile effort. Because of the bottle neck, you can't really force the egg into the reservoir. So, you can sit the egg on the neck of the bottle and your egg would be safe.

In life, we often find ways to "sit on the neck" of sin. Perhaps it's watching things we shouldn't be watching, or going out partying in places that we really shouldn't be. We aren't sinning, and not really doing anything harmful, so it's not a problem.

However, if you were to take a piece of paper, light it on fire and drop it into the decanter and then place the egg in the neck of the decanter, something crazy happens. As the fire consumes the oxygen in the decanter a vacuum is created and the soft egg will get sucked into it!

King David of the Bible experienced this very thing. 2 Samuel 11:1 describes that during the time, the kings were supposed to go off to war. However King David stayed behind and hung out at home. Strictly speaking, there is no law to say that there was anything wrong with David staying home. However, it was the time of the year in which kings needed to be at the battle front. How often are we slowly drawn into sin, simply by keeping away from the battle front? How often do we decide to forgo the sharpening of our spirits (i.e. Bible study and one-on-One time), only later to find that we have become spiritually weak? How many times do we waggle away from engaging in the world and addressing it's need of the Savior? There are battles forged each and every day, and our place is on the very frontlines - not staying behind on rooftops of the palaces of our lives.

As we sit in the neck of sin, something can catch our eye. Perhaps the shows we watch make a certain sins appear more enticing and less consequential. Perhaps we could "handle" the party/club scene until we meet someone we want to "spend more time with." These things are like a little fire in the bottle, they burn out the oxygen, and then the draw of that little fire will suck us in. And let me tell you, once that egg is in the decanter, you usually have to break it into pieces to get it out.

Even the most mature Christian can sometimes struggle with the line between perfectly allowable and "The Suck Zone," so here are tips to keep from getting suckered:

1. Know your limits.
Any addiction clinic will tell you that dry and sober are different things. Dry means you aren't using the thing you're addicted to, but you're still in the life. You're still partying with the same people, going to the same places - and that's bad, because it's too close to the edge for you. Sober means you are beginning a new life. New friends, new places - all steering clear from your addictive properties. If you have struggles with something and you know it, avoid it completely! That means stay away from the places that focus on it, stay away from the t.v. shows and magazines that glorify it. Is watching a movie wrong? Not really, but if you know it can trigger you to go farther than you want, just stay away.

2. Keep yourself accountable.
"I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends" What a good way to look at it. An accountability partner is, by far, one of the best resources God can give us. Someone that will step beyond our personal lines of comfort and politeness, someone that will accept and use your permission (and you need to give him/her that permission) to dig a little deeper if they suspect you are faking out your "Oh, I'm fine!" smile. If you don't have an accountability partner, get one. Not just about your biggest hang-ups, but in everything. Sometimes we just need to chat about daily struggles to realize our long-term battles, or discover our personal game plans.

3. If you find yourself going there, just walk away.
Go cold turkey while you still can. I don't know how often I'll see a message from a friend saying "Hey, I'm going to fast from [movies/t.v./internet/anything-else-you-can-think-of] for the next [enter period of time]." Or have a friend decide to break off friendships with people that are dragging them down a dark path. I do my best to encourage them and pray for them. They're taking a break from the neck of the bottle. Like I said, these things aren't wrong, but they aren't drawing us directly toward God either, and being there can give us a good view of some rather enticing sins. So if you start to feel that draw, contact your accountability partner and walk away.

I wish we would learn this truth and perfectly imply it in our lives quickly and immediately. However we don't. But remember, if you find yourself sliding into sin... if you feel the heat of the flame and the vacuum of sin... or even if you're already trapped inside that bottle, there is a way out. I mentioned that there's rarely ever the chance of the egg getting out unbroken. King David was crushed when he met the face of his sin. However, we serve a God that heals the broken. So if you're there, don't lose hope. God can pull you back through and set you straight.

Dear Mr. President: A Plea for Nuclear Disarmarment

2010-12-07T15:39:00.001-05:00

Dear Mr. President,

I would like to make an approach to the important issue of nuclear disarmament. Not long ago, I watched an old B Monster Movie titled “Gamera the Invincible”. It’s pretty similar to the Japanese film “Godzilla” - although with a giant turtle trying to eat Tokyo rather than a lizard. Have you had the pleasure of seeing this film, Mr. President? I must say, it’s a great movie to watch, but when the Godzilla-like sequence becomes a real experience, it becomes somewhat less pleasant.

Long before I discovered this gem of the classic monster movie era, I was a carefree seventh grader heading to my first classes of the year. Mr. President, I was ready to take on the word. I gleefully strolled the hallways, excited for the hope filled future that awaited me. How was I supposed to know the horrors that really awaited me, Mr. President? How was I supposed to know?!?

Erupting from the tranquil existence of summer vacation came my home economics teacher. I’ll just call her “Mrs. H”. Let me tell you, Mr. President, Gamera has nothing on her – nothing. Gamera eats fire? Mrs. H ate fifty minutes of every school day (not including homework, Mr. President). Gamera was the enemy of Japan? Mrs. H was the enemy of the Human Spirit!

I must say, I can support Gamera on some fronts. You see, Mr. President, Gamera was awakened, he didn’t know his purpose. Yes, at first he chose to destroy Japan, but in the sequels he came to the aid of the country. It was even said that he loved children. Mrs. H’s class also had no intelligible purpose. She had us making Play-Doh and was dressing the boys in Salmon colored shirts. Salmon, Mr. President. I hear that she’s eaten children in her sequels.

At least “Gamera the Invincible” had a good moral to take from it. The movie taught us to be kind to our planet. Mrs. H’s Home Economics class? Mr. President, it was in that class that I lost my religion and determined to destroy the entire universe. Did I wait for her “sequels” like I have for the installments of Gamera? No, Mr. President, I prayed for disease to save me from her classes. And I tried to fight her, Mr. President, really I did. But, our complaints simply bounced off her indestructible scales of tenure and shattered hopelessly on the battlefield of our counselor’s office.

I’m certain few would argue the destruction caused by these two almost unstoppable forces, and recant of their release. And how were they released, Mr. President? Nuclear bombs. Yes, Gamera was awakened from a nuclear test bomb, and Mrs. H awakened from the baby-boom after Hiroshima, but all the destruction can be ultimately traced to the same source. Look at the facts, Mr. President. I’m certain you’ll agree that Nuclear disarmament is the only way to assure such horrific creations like Gamera and Mrs. H will never be unleashed on mankind again.

Sincerely,

Callista Rowlett

Little Miss Watermelon: a Tale of Failure and Glory

2010-11-30T18:39:00.000-05:00

Three crowns. That was it. Only three would be going home from the “Little Miss Watermelon Pageant” happy that night, and I obviously would not be among them. After all, these little girls were thin and pretty. And me? Well, after two months of eating a cup of vegetable soup three times a day, my ‘baby fat’ still stuck out on my five-year-old belly, protruding from just above the intense ruffling of my Little Rosie skirt.

The dirt had been scraped from under my nails and a coat of soft pink applied on top. My hair changed from its usual style of gnarled and tangled to brushed, curled, teased and positioned into an elegant, coiled coif. I stood motionless for Mother as she slathered on more makeup. Makeup was a horrendous experience, given her severe nervous issues. I stood in place, my eyes perfectly stationary, as the middle aged woman slowly extended a mascara wand directly at my eyeball with a very shaky hand, while at the same time repeatedly exclaiming, “Stay still!”

Finally, I was deemed perfect, and Mother allowed me to turn around and steal a glimpse at the competition. There must have been fifty girls in that little room, and that didn’t include all the mothers that teetered over them with various combs and sprays in fevered attempts to keep their young daughters’ hair in gloriously large shapes. Five-year-old queens waited, outwardly impervious to the relentless, sticky heat of a particularly unforgiving August afternoon. The mothers constantly dabbed paper napkins to the faces of the kids while cursing the pageant directors for not providing decent enough accommodations to keep the makeup from melting off the children’s faces. Cries would randomly erupt from corners of the room – immediately followed by the parent’s frustrated responses: “Stop crying right now – you’ll make your eyeliner run! No! You can’t go out and play; you’re staying here and doing this!”

As I stood there in a dress that cost my family more than our food for a month, I couldn’t help but realize just how hopeless my situation was. Most of these girls had trainers, coordinators, years of experience, and a long lineage of pageantry. What did I offer the judges? Baby Fat. Oh, and a clumsy gate that refused to be trained by the endless hours of practicing “The Walk” and “The Turn” that had eaten my summer whole.

The toddler division finally ended and we were called from purgatory. Paper slices of watermelon bearing our number adorned our lavish gowns. The signs reminded me of those that numbered the cattle I had seen at a bovine auction. An uptight woman with a clip board lined us up at the stage entrance and, one by one, we stepped into the spotlight to display ourselves for the inspection of the judges. I grew excited and anxious as the sounds of the crowd wafted towards me. I frantically practiced my steps in my head: Walk to the microphone and give the introduction, walk to the first ‘X’ marked on the floor and turn around slowly. Then move center stage, turn again, and make my way off stage. Only thirty seconds - and the judges had to adore me within that time. I took a deep breath. I could see the stage. The voice of the announcer echoed in my ears. Then came the whisper from Clip Board Woman that I had been waiting for: “It’s your turn… go.”

I stepped out and moved to the microphone. “Hi,” I said with my southern speech drawing out magnanimously, “My name is Callista Rowlett. I’m 5 years old and I live in Cave City…” In that moment, I noticed something. The crowd. The crowd wasn’t even looking. The people were talking and chatting. These were the parents, aunts, uncles and friends of other girls, and none of them held interest in another faceless girl slowly turning on X’s. My gaze drifted from the crowd, to the scrupulous judges’ bench, and to the announcer. Perhaps the soup turning in my stomach soured my disposition, but I realized that these people had standards I could never meet and, in that moment, I realized that I no longer cared to meet them. But that crowd was not going to ignore me.

I strutted to the X and twirled on the heels of my pearled leather shoes twice, ending with my arms stretched out and open wide. Then, I frolicked to center stage and Hammer-Danced. My curls jangled about my head, the hovering skirt bounced like the Golden Gate during an earthquake, and the lace lining of my socks ruffled with every jolting, awkward, glorious move. Half the crowd was silenced while the rest laughed. Two of the judges’ mouths hung open. I winked and waved enthusiastically. I leapt and spun around completely before backing toward my stage exit, holding my stage time by blowing kisses to a wave of laughter and applause until my mother’s arm appeared from behind a curtain and yanked me off stage like a shepherd’s hook. Mother was less than enthusiastic.

We left for home while three girls stood on stage with glittering crowns on their heads. I didn’t care. The pretty girls could have the crowns. The pretty girls could have the judges, the announcer, Clip Board Woman and the little watermelon slices that numbered us like cows at an auction. Heck, the pretty girls could have my mother, for all I cared that evening. But the crowd? The crowd was mine.

I went home and had some chocolate cake. It was mine, too.

Lightbulb: A Thought on Kids and Communication

2010-06-21T02:55:00.003-04:00

Currently Listening: "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by: Deep Blue Something

So... I've been hanging out with my brother and his family for a few weeks. He has two kids: one of each. The daughter is 11 and the son is... 8? Yeah, 8. I think.

Anyway, I'm not a 'kid' person. It's easy for me to say that I simply don't like kids, but in all reality, I just don't do well with them - children are rather an intimidating set. So are old people, but I digress.

So I'm doing the whole live-in Aunt thing and one exclamation that has been popping in my head on a daily basis is "Man, this kid talks just to hear his own head rattle!" I'm serious. It's not these kids in particular - I think the majority of kids' mouths run from the moment their eyes pop open to the point they finally pass out at night. Heck, I think a lot of kids talk to themselves - which I find slightly disturbing. Never mind the fact that I actually host an inner-monologue in my own head. The difference is that it's an inner monologue.

During part of my inner-monologue this evening, I somehow stumbled upon the idea of communication. What's so great about the 10 dollar words we learn to use with time? Well, I love words. I love reading. I do it just because I like doing it. Heck, I sometimes read crap about stuff I don't care about because it's well written. I've spent time reading a dictionary. And yes, I like learning about word origins and such. I just love words. The reason why I love expanding my personal vocabulary is because it allows me more precise expression.

If someone asks me why I'm frowning I can say "I'm sad." Which is fully true, but leaves quite a wide array of options of what's truly going on, because sadness can be the stencil of loneliness, regret, homesickness, or any near limitless number of possibilities. If I cannot pinpoint the emotional element to a short phrase, I'll expound upon it by an often much longer soliloquy that will usually host the happenings of my circumstance, how I feel.. and even how I feel about how I feel (heh, can you follow that last part?).

Children are most often just as we adults - only their vocabulary is less developed. In turn, they must talk a lot more to "get the point across" when it comes to their thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Another thing is the simple fact that, children are in a quickening state of awareness and understanding. I can be sitting directly next to my 8-year-old nephew, watching the exact same show, and he'll point out very obvious things that are occurring. It's been driving me silently insane, because I just couldn't understand why the kid felt he had to explain to me the same details I just watched! I just thought he wanted to talk... that he just wouldn't shut up. I'm glad now that I've held my tongue. Especially at his age, my nephew is learning how to pick up on facial and vocal expressions and make connections between actions, circumstances, and human reactions - which is going to be possibly the most important social skill he will ever learn.

My goal in the future is that, rather than stare ahead blankly and wonder "why is he/she still talking?", I'll listen slightly more intently to their longer explanations of shorter expressions, and then parrot what they said with words they can better use to express themselves concisely. Hopefully, this will assist in the ripening of their vocabulary.

Not that children should be denied the very important input of when to shut up - yet I'm sure that little virtue is one I can be certain will be well established with time by someone other than their aunt. In other words: gratefully, it isn't my place.

The Sting Fades with the Victory

2010-04-27T09:29:00.003-04:00

. As God knits the new life in the mother's womb the family knits a new place in their lives for him or her. With each kick or movement or ultra-sound, the parents begin a life-long relationship. By the time the baby comes, the parents already feel they know the child. And on the day that the child is born, there is such a sweet joy that it simply hums in the room, for the great expectation is fulfilled as the parent is finally united with the child. A friend of mine once told me his first experience holding his first born:

"The nurses laid her in my arms and I just stood there looking at her. My heart began to pound really fast and I started laughing and crying, and I just said 'Oh, I've been waiting for you...'"

. We celebrate life with joy and hope. As a dear Christian passes away, we often choose to celebrate his or her life, rather than simply mourn. We remind ourselves that the saint is now in a "better place", that he or she is now in the loving arms our Father in heaven. Yet it is often a rather bitter-sweet reception here on earth. Our smiles mingle with our tears, our laughter with our sighs. For we still labor under the burden of partition. Even though we remind ourselves that death isn't final, we still feel that our time on earth is it's own thing with a beginning and an end.

. However, life on earth is much like a baby's time in the mother's womb. We're growing and developing, hearing murmurs of our Father's voice seep in between the rhetoric of the world. We become unknowingly accustomed to the sound of His heartbeat through our time here. And He knows us. We are veiled with the world's burdens just as the unborn is veiled within the mother's womb. Yet He still knows us. And He waits for the joyous moment in which we come home.

. To us, death is a departure. It is a great sorrow that oppresses us with an all-too-earthly heaviness in the sadness of separation. Yet, in heaven as a Christian departs this world in death, he or she arrives to a great welcoming of saints and angels. The heavenly bodies cheer the homecoming. And just as a newborn can recognize the voice of the mother from the muffled, shrouded tones heard in the months in the womb, the saint recognizes the Father in full clarity for the first time. For the first time, the saint sees the Father without the distorted veils of pain, sin and misconception. For the first time, God is no longer separated by the great chasm of sin and corruption as His child stands before Him spotless through the cleansing of Christ.

. And God, the Father, is united with His child. And in all the greatness and beautiful expanse of all creation, in all the glory and majesty that is the Omnipotent and Omnipresent God, he looks at the saint - His child. And His joy and unconditional love hums within His heart as it begins to pound faster inside His his chest. And He says, "Oh, I've been waiting for you..."

. O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 1 For the forces of sin that destroy and kill the body are merely able to lay the physical flesh low and release the soul into the merit of Christ and the very Glory of the Lord our God. The victory was afforded to us as Jesus hung on the cross, and the victory was manifested as that same Jesus walked out of the tomb three days later. That's what happened to the sting, my friends. It has been dissipated with hope. Because now the brutal finality of death has been turned into a long distance game of peek-a-boo, in which one is hidden away and later again revealed. And for this, heaven rejoices. For this, the angels cry out in a great celestial acclimation whenever another person comes to a saving knowledge of Christ - for death once again is defeated, and the promise of a saint's homecoming is secured.

. It is because of the everlasting hope that life still continues - that separation does not last - that we gather and comfort each other with the optimism that our time together has not truly come to an end.

^"But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus." - 1 Tess. 4:13 & 14

1. 1 Corinthians 15:55 (KJV)

The Shamrock, the Egg and the Water

2010-03-28T03:11:00.000-04:00

The Godhead Three in One. Although it has no simple answer, the question in itself seems rather simple: "How can God be Three in One?" While the Bible teaches of the Triune (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), scriptures also depict Jesus talking with God, and sending the Holy Spirit. The notion that God is three persons and yet still wrapped into one being, called Trinitarianism, has been the subject of dispute and examination for quite some time. It has been pondered by theist philosophers, been considered debate fodder for cynics and atheists, and has been the source of contention and church splits. While there are Christian sects that disagree with Trinitarianism, in large the Triune Godhead is considered "the central dogma of Christian theology". [a] The first chapter in the Bible records God speaking as a group.

"Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;'"...
- Genesis 1:26

And then states that He is One being in the first line of the Jewish Shema which, historically consisted of this statement alone found in Deuteronomy. [b]

"Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one LORD,"
- Deut. 6:4

In the New Testament, Jesus speaks with God the Father on several occasions including Matthew 26:29, and John 11:41. In John 16:7, Jesus tells the disciples that he must leave so that the Holy Spirit can be sent. Yet the question still remains: How? How can three still be one at the same time? There have been different explanations of the Trinity, the most popular of which dating as early as the 5th century.

It is said that St. Patrick
used the Shamrock
to illustrate the Trinity during
his mission work in Ireland.

Riddled with Holes

One illustration used today is the Three forms of water. This illustration compares the constitutional masses of H2O - Solid (ice), Liquid (water), and gas (steam) - with the Trinity as three different forms - The Father (omnipresent God), The Son (God in the Flesh), and the Holy Spirit (the God in Spiritual Manifestation). However, this illustration is unable to explain how God (who is one being) is able to communicate as more than one person. It leaves the observer lacking evidence or explanation as of how truly the Godhead is continuously three and one at the same time.

Furthermore, illustrations such as the H2O forms are rather misleading. Illustrations and popular "simple" explanations such as these tear holes in the very fabric of the doctrine of Trinity. The basic principal of almost every rendition of the Trinity explained is that God is one being who is revealing Himself in different ways. After all, regardless of it's form, water is absolutely the same chemical compound. These honest, well intended attempts to explain the Trinity are, in reality, nontrinitarian.

Why can't we get it?

The question of how Trinity "works" can be considered, in ways, similar to questions concerning God and time. The well accepted [1] theory that has been provided as an answer to many such questions is that God is "outside" of time. This theory was widely conveyed by C.S. Lewis, who explains how humans have trouble relating to living outside of our view of time in his book The Screwtape Letters:

"Humans are amphibians — half spirit and half animal.... As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time."
- C.S. Lewis (from The Screwtape Letters)

Although this simple belief seems so obvious to many Christians today, a very closely related axiom seems to go unnoticed, and thus causes the idea of Trinity to continuously elude the understanding of modern Christianity: Just as God is not dominated by the "Laws" of linear time, as the Creator of the physical universe, God is also free of the Laws of Physics.

Life in a Fishbowl

To grasp how God and man relates in concern of the Laws of Physics, one may consider a fish living in a sea tank. For a salt-water fish to live and thrive, many conditions must be properly kept: the temperature, the salinity, and even water pressure needs to be near exact. Without these factors being carefully controlled, a fish would perish in mere minutes. As a fish living in the tank, the fish may not even be aware that these factors even exist, because the fish would have no reference to life without these factors. In fact, the fish would not be aware that these factors would exist in any sense unless the temperature would drop or salinity be raised, for it is only when the control has been changed would a fish recognize that there would be a difference to be had. So a fish in a sea tank goes throughout it's existence, oblivious to the delicate balance of rules and laws in which it lives.

However, the owner of the fish tank is very aware, for he hosts the responsibility to keep the environment healthy for the fish's survival. So the owner checks the temperature and salinity often and makes whatever adjustment is necessary as soon as it is needed. While these "Laws" are in full force, the operator is outside of the tank, and thus outside of the laws of living within the tank. The salinity of the water doesn't effect the operator because he isn't built to live within the confines of the tank. (However, if the operator should move within the confines of a tank -like a deep sea diver - there is suddenly a number of changes the man or woman must go under because suddenly these laws would apply.)

Connecting the Tank with the Theory

Mankind is ruled by similar laws - some obvious by our instinctual supplications for food, air, etc. Yet, outside our immediate awareness are laws of time and space - physics. These are laws that we are completely contained within and controlled without our knowledge or interaction. Moreover, we are physically unable to move outside of these laws, because we are created to exist specifically within these specifications.

The Pauli Exclusion Principle [c] dictates that no two objects are able to occupy the same space at the same time. This is a law that we simply are not physically able to overcome: If you want to occupy a space in the center of a highway, you will find that you will not be able to be in your place at the same time a semi truck is there - someone will be moved out of the way - and there's just nothing you can do to overcome that reality.

But just as the operator is outside of the tank and does not have to live within the laws in which the fish is subject, God lives outside of the the Pauli Exclusion Principle. Although we are enable to occupy two spaces at once, the Trinity is able to be three in one.

As human beings, we have been created specifically for the existence within these laws, and have no point of reference to relate to existence outside of these laws. Because of this it is beyond full comprehension of how God physically operates in these ways, simply because everything we understand in the universe exists within the same laws in which we exist.

So what now?

While knowing this truth does not fully explain the how, it does explain why this question has eluded the religious and the nonreligious philosopher alike. Most Christians will agree that there are things that we simply cannot fully understand about God (at least not until we are joined with God in heaven). For some, this statement offers little deterrent for trying. The understanding of of God being outside of the laws of physics may bring closure to some and vex others. It's all a matter of perspective.

A Christian, group, or church can find some closure in understanding that, yes God can truly do things far beyond our own recognition. Some peace can be held on the subject matter - perhaps agreeing to disagree is more palatable than before with this theory in hand. Rest can be granted in yet another illustration on how God is larger than the issues we face.

The atheist that is truly seeking answers may be given resolution in thes roadblock of belief, while the cynic will be merely angered, feeling the idea that we "simply can't understand it all" is a cop-out conclusion.

Religious philosophers can revel or agonize in the discover of a God beyond reckoning, attempting to ascertain the full extent of the intimate life of the Trinity God.

Regardless of how this viewpoint registers in the full content of it's recipient, it is awesome to be able to see God as intelligent and powerful enough to create the very laws of time and space in an instant. His creation extends to mind boggling proportions, and to place His interest in individuals such as ourselves is, perhaps, the utmost testimony of love beyond reason.

Notes:
[1] Not everyone in Christianity accepts that God is outside of time. There are sects of people that believe, for different reasons that this is not true. Furthermore, there is much more to be said about the aspect of linear time. It has been said that, yes, time exists for God, but it simply doesn't matter. However, it is my belief through scripture that this is not accurate.

Links:
[a] The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church (Oxford University Press, 2005 ISBN 978-0-19-280290-3), article Trinity, doctrine of the
[b] Explaination of the Shema - milechai.com
[c] The Pauli Exlusion Principle; Hyperphisics educational website.

To: Those Who Wait

2009-08-12T03:39:00.000-04:00

Currently Listening: "The Sky is Breaking" - Moby

Like countless others on this planet, I watched the meteor shower. I didn't really plan on it. Yet, as I finished my laundry and the start time climbed near, a line from Psalm 8 popped into my head "When I consider Your heavens..." I'm near a major city, but far enough away that at least the major stars in the sky are still visible. On top of this, I was able to don brand-spanking new glasses. I don't wear them all the time, so this evening marks the first time in 4 years that I've seen the night sky with 20/20 vision...

I laid a warm blanket on the ground, put my walkman (that's right, not my iPod, a freaking Sony Walkman) and my glasses on and began to gaze into the night sky. Then came the wait. A couple times I would catch a glimpse of meteors softly dash against the darkness a few at a time. Mostly, there would be long, tedious pauses between each. However, during these waits the night air would surround me and I'd be catching myself thinking of turning into the warm comforts of my soft bed. And just as I would be near convinced to pack it in, a meteor would appear, light up the night sky and disappear into the cosmos. My excitement would be renewed and I'd forget the chill in the air as I waited for the next glimpse.

After repeating this cycle a few times, my focus began to slowly change. I began to stare at the stars themselves. Perhaps it was the fact that I hadn't seen the night sky so clearly in so long. Perhaps it was simply that it had been so very long since I had even stopped to look at all (I don't remember doing so since I was at Pottersfield Ranch in Montana back in 2005). Perhaps it was that I had been reading up on astrophysics and the wonders of the cosmos since that last time I looked at the stars, or even the mixture of the perfect, thought-provoking song at the perfect, thought-provoking time, but the stars never seemed so sharp and clear an set into such a deep and expansive universe before. The cosmos never seemed so amazingly massive before... I had never seemed so amazingly small...

And it was then that the old saying echoed into my mind: "Good things come to those who wait." But strangely, I somehow was there for something much different than waiting for the next meteor, because I wasn't really there for the random yet striking moment of a bright streak shooting across my view. I was there simply to look at the stars.

And that's just how we develop such a relationship with God. We come for a reason. We come for interests and needs that are like shooting stars in eternity. They appear, light up our skies for unspeakable short moments and then disappear into forever. Sometimes, we wait for long periods of time, struggling against the cold of the weariness and cares of the world, wondering if there is any reason to continue denying ourselves the comforts of a short term of rest. As we cling onto the hope that the momentary bright shot will come hurtling across the black night, our focus shifts. Rarely do we even notice it. Yet, we find ourselves gazing. Not searching the skies for the falling stars, but peering into the vast cosmos of the celestial constants that had been holding a silent vigil all along.

We come to God seeking our momentary needs, and He asks of us: patience. Not because He needs time to respond. He is the creator and ruler over time. He requires us to wait on Him, because He knows that while we wait on Him, we watch. We set our eyes on the vast stretch of eternity, hoping to catch a glimpse of His promises fulfilled. And as our eyes adjust, we see... Him. Our constant, holding an unceasing vigil, piercing the darkness and hosting the very heavens of their majesty. We come in expectancy, in hope for what might be for a mere moment and remain in a passionate reverence of what always has been. What always will be.

It's not that good things come to those who wait. Those who wait, find out that what is good is already there.

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
- Psalm 8: 3 & 4

Excerpts for Callista's Dictionary

2009-06-23T20:51:00.000-04:00

I think I should make my own dictionary (because I'm awesome.) Here's a few words you should know from Callista's Dictionary:

Under the A's...

Amp: noun. 1. Electronic sound equipment designed to render anyone over the age of 29 legally deaf. 2. Day-glow florescent green liquid fortified with guarana, ginseng, taurine, caffeine, B vitamins and sugar to provide the user with liquid awesomeness for 6 - 8 hours.
see also: Nectar of the Gods

Under the B's...

Barnes and Noble: noun. Location for people to appear intellectual while paying unnecessarily high prices for a selection of mediocre products. Syn. Starbucks

Under D's...

Disney: noun. Final resting place of creativity and individuality. see also: The Gap; MTV

Under the R's...

Rosemary's Baby: noun. 1. Reason to never have children. 2. Reason to never get married.

Under the W's...

Wikipedia: noun. 1. Location for all information in the universe. Ant. Public School

wonky: adj. Slightly disoriented. After taking a long nap, I woke up feeling wonky.

wonkified: adj. Having been made wonky. After taking the tylenol pm I was rather wonkified.

There's more to come, I'm certain.

Falling = #1 Cause for Death in Disney

2009-06-23T01:13:00.000-04:00

After a night of being violently ill from KFC (grilled chicken is a healthier choice my rump), I was weak and tired for most of the day today. So what does anyone do when they're on the brink of death? Watch a Disney movie. Since Disney is varitably owned by Pixar now, and refuses to put out anything worth watching any more, I found myself combing through the good movies from at least 2 decades ago... reaching from as early as 1950's to as far as the mid-90's.

And now I have this word of advice: If you're ever planning on living in a Disney movie, plan on dying from a fall. There's just no stopping it. A rediculous majority of characters die or somehow lose in a fall. Don't believe me?

The Rescuers Down Under
Beauty and the Beast
The Lion King
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Tarzan
Oliver and Company
Treasure Planet
Brother Bear

All of these had deaths from falls.

In Disney there are two options:

1.) Happily Ever After
2.) Fall to Your Doom

Take your pick.

It's not always the economy.

2009-06-16T06:18:00.000-04:00

I am downright sick of observing photos or videos of people complaining about not having enough money for basic things such as food, rent, or gas money while they have a freaking cigarette in their hand or dangling from their slack jaws.

Now, if someone wants to smoke, that's their business. They can suck down those cancer sticks all they want, as long as their afterburn doesn't get anywhere near me. Go America. But quit complaining that the economy sucks so bad that you can't afford the bare necessities. It's apparently not that bad if you can still drop anywhere between $15 - $50 a carton. Seriously - on my way to work a Marlboro sign sitting outside a 7-11 caught my attention advertising the phlegm ball chopsticks at $48.50 a carton. The purchaser is paying almost a quarter for every cig they light up. Moron. Why don't they save time and help out the needy? I'm sure they could give some kid the cash and then let the kid stomp on their chest. It'd have the same effect a heck of a lot quicker and then maybe a poor kid can go buy shoes or whatever.

I'm also sick of people trying to pry my thought on this apart by saying that they are addicted to cigarettes and 'can't help it'. At one point, I began to hear the plea until these people started trying to convince me that nicotine addiction was a 'disease'. No, cancer is a disease. I like coffee, soda, and energy drinks. If I don't have one or the other, I'll get a headache. By that standard I'm addicted to caffeine. I'm not freaking diseased, I'm addicted. There's a difference. So, I take a frickin' Tylenol and get the heck over it.

But again, I don't really even care if you smoke. Like I said, what you do with your money isn't my business, and if you like to smoke to relax then, hey go ahead and enjoy a smoke. I don't even have problems with smoking sections in restaurants or no smoke bans in bars. But don't expect me to listen to your falsetto financial plights. Because if you're dropping $2.50+ a pack and think that the only reason you can't afford food and clothes for your kids is because "Bush frak'd the economy" for you, then you're either unhinged, unwilling to take responsibility for your own choices, just plain stupid, or a combination of all three.

Oh, and the same goes for cable/satellite. Honestly, lets say that you smoke a pack a day and have a really good monthly deal on cable and only spend $30 a month on cable (which is all but unheard of anymore). You're dropping $105 a month that you'll never see again - unless you consider stained teeth and an in-depth of knowledge on reruns of Full House. After all, how many times do you flip through the channels complaining that nothing is on? Do you know what you could do with that $105? Here's a short list I've composed of things that are better to do with said money:

Buy your kids a few books. They might, I don't know, learn something without having the public school system taking care of it for you.
Spend it on food that was once actually grown or raised. I hear vitamins are actually better than chemicals...
Convert it into pennies and dive into them Scrooge McDuck style.
Convert it into singles and strap it into underpinnings of a morbidly obese belly-dancer.
Burn it.

I'm going to simply stop here, because the research I did for this entry led me into long comment lists on people complaining about taxes on cigarettes going up and how this is such an infringement on their rights... which naturally causes me to think about my rights to not have to pay for other people's self-induced medical bills. No one wants to go there.

Something tells me I'm going to get hate mail for this.

Reading

2009-05-15T02:48:00.000-04:00

Pastor has been encouraging us to read more. I'm all for it because I love reading... but somehow I found myself frowning a bit about it, too. Because I do read. Sometimes a lot. There's been a lot of times where I've wandered in red-eyed because I started reading a new book at 11 the night before and finished it around 3 am.* 2

But now it feels like every time I start devouring a book, I'm doing it as a suck-up. As if I should be forcing myself, laboring over the texts... grunting inside, thinking "He's right, but, geez this is tough!"

It brings me back to high school when other students would see that I had a particularly strict teacher. They'd console me and groan about how miserable that teacher made life for them the semester before, all the while I'd be doing the best work I ever had and looked forward to those classes everyday.** Those were often the only classes I had that reached into the A-B market on report cards. I suppose that in my crazy life the structure those strict teachers required was something I really needed and craved.***

And I like hard books - almost to the point of masochism. I'm waiting for my copy of Astrophysics in a Nutshell 1 even though I didn't get beyond Algebra I in high school - let alone geometry and calculus. I have to wait until I finish a few other books I got a few weeks ago before I shell out nearly $50 for a book that I have no clue if I'll ever finish.

There's a strange feeling I get after I finish reading a book, a feeling of accomplishment - which I've come to admire far more greatly than that feeling of being a total shlub after watching a movie or a couple hours of television. Along with that, it seems as if reading a lot makes you a member of a semi-existing secret society. You can call me crazy, but you know it's true. Walk into a Barnes 'n' Noble or a well-stocked library and you'll feel that slight wave of quiet arrogance of being exclusive. When I think about it, I almost feel as if there's some sort of hierarchy - as if the people around me in the store are probably far more "read" than me and that they can tell somehow. That feeling seems to fade when I have a favorite bookstore that I frequent - especially if I'm walking in there red-eyed from a night of reading. On those days I bolster in as if it were my own private library. But, if it had been a while since I'd read the last chapter of a book, I enter as surreptitiously as possible.

I remember when I was 7 or 8, I was sitting at the kitchen table. My father was there reading and mom was in the kitchen complaining about how much he read (she wasn't completely in the wrong - he would read, rather than work or interact with the family). After a few minutes, he turned to me. "No matter what your mother says about it - don't ever think that it's bad to read. Read as much as you can." My parents never said anything like that to me before, or ever since.

I'm certain that I've attained the love for books from my father, considering I don't know if I've ever seen my mother even glance at a book, except when she was glaring at those my father had. He was always reading something. Usually science fiction books, but many times something about history. Or guns. Or the history of guns. I'm serious, I remember at least 5 books that were on the history of Smith and Wesson and/or guns in general. But who am I to point and laugh? I've read up on the history of video games via wikipedia.org several times, and if I could find a decent book on the subject I'd be walking into the office the next morning, bleary-eyed with smug look on my face. Although, I doubt that would really be one of those books Pastor was talking about.

1. Astrophysics in a Nutshell: by Dan Maoz
2. The last time this happened was last week. I was reading The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. It was alright. Not great. Good recommendation for Jr.High - which is it's target, so snaps for Boyne John.

*I get mad at myself if I can't finish a book within a few days. Usually, if I haven't finished it within a week, I never will.

** Unless, of course, I hadn't finished my homework. I've actually intentionally sprained my ankle in order to go home early because I didn't have a book report completed on it's due-date.

***I was one of those kids that were smart and stupid at the same time. I was smart enough that I could've taken the toughest classes and aced them all, but was so wrapped up in the crap I was dealing with in my private life that I decided that I was too dumb to do it. Those "strict" teachers probably just knew this and had the guts to call me on it. They seemed unrelenting, but actually respected my intelligence by not letting me slide through. God Bless 'em.

The Faith of Demons

2009-03-14T16:21:00.000-04:00

There is an old adage: "Every step you take closer to God, Satan takes two steps closer to you."

Some people believe that if anything should go wrong it must be the work of the Devil's minions. There are demons of headaches, cancers and any other ailment in (or not in) medical books. To some, even the simplest of nightmares are attributed to demonic oppression, and there is an evil spirit behind every bad mood or disagreeable occurrence.

While demons do exist and are able to effect people both mentally and physically, many people are giving Satan far more credit than he deserves. While opinions of the true doctrine of demonology can be as diverse as the people that offer them, perhaps the more important question would be why are so many Christians obsessed with demons? One reason why the over-credit is given to demonic presence is because demons are the perfect internal scapegoat and provide false comfort and sanctuary from issues Christians wish to not face. Furthermore, some Christians are able to appoint themselves purpose and a sense of power in an otherwise uncontrollable situation.

Solace from the Tough Questions

"Why do bad things happen to good people?" It is a question that almost every Christian will face throughout their life of faith, and for some, the theology of demonic involvement offers both solace and some form of palatable answer. The theory appears to make sense: God is always good and never causes harm to befall the righteous. But there are demons straight from Satan and the pit of Hell that are out to destroy and cause suffering. It's a simple view of Good vs. Evil - and we poor humans are merely caught in the center of it all. Without this theory the question once again falls in the lap of the believer's faith. After all, if Satan didn't do it, then who did? Who's fault could it be if not that of unseen evil?

The Devil Made Me Do It

On a similar - though be it opposite side - of the theory, is the aspect of persuasion and deceit of demons being the key reason behind moral failure and poor behavior. It is one thing to be simply found in sin - it is another to be deceived or under the pressure of demonic presence. Although it is seemingly unlikely that a Christian would thoughtfully use this theory in attempt to duck the blame of basic poor decisions, there are several instances throughout history - including the Salem Witch Trials 2 - in which demonic influence has been branded as the cause of a person's decision to break laws or otherwise go against God's guidance. This becomes especially so in cases in which the person continuously returns to habitual or addiction-driven sin.

Fighting the Good Fight?

Another aspect of this doctrine of demonology is the draw of being able to fight or guard against the demonic force. The underlying of this is control, power, and secret knowledge.

This is most apparent as the person or ministry is constantly dictating masses of specific rules (usually Don't-do-this-boundaries) in order to protect themselves from "opening doors" for demons to enter.
This doctrine also becomes apparent when the persons begin to deter their prayers from God and direct them toward demons and/or Satan himself. Although the Gospels do show that Jesus commanded demons to exit the persons seized, people take this to an unhealthy extreme. Certain well-attended pastors have been known to open prayers by speaking to Satan to tell him that he wasn't allowed to disturb the patrons of the prayer meeting.
While the reasoning isn't immediate as to why a Christian would want to shift their purpose and focus away from God to Satan, much of it can be attributed to the simple fact that it can seem empowering to think that one can deter demons. While on the surface people attempt to state that it is only the power of Christ that causes demons to shudder, often times the acts and words used are very human-centered. It is most often emphasized that if one has the faith, one can cast out Satan's minions. One website proudly proclaims:

"What is needed to cast out demons? One word... authority! Who has such authority? God's children... the believers! How do we exercise our authority? Through a spoken command in faith directed at the unclean spirits. The more faith we have, the more authority we can exercise." 3

This "authority" is usually accredited to Luke 9:1, in which Jesus grants the disciples the authority to cast out demons and cure diseases. However in most cases, phrases such as "In Jesus Name" and "By the Blood of Christ", are merely sprinkled over the exorcism procedures like magic words or secret passwords granted to those special enough to come by them.

The Tragedy of the Falsehood

While on the surface this doctrine seems simple enough to be practically harmless, the issues quickly arise when one goes about the tedious task of avoiding the tricks and triggers of demonic attack. Suddenly, the unknowing Christian is doomed by any number of things: the wrong music, the wrong movies, even certain phrases or words are ear-marked for opening doorways to demonic attack or possession. These snares are undeniable, but can be very sneaky - even to the point that things that praise God are preached by some to actually be Satan's claws reaching into the church. 1

From there, the possibility of being under demonic oppression becomes even more daunting, because of the fact that demons will - in a sense - come in droves when a Christian is doing well in his or her walk, especially those given to ministry. Oddly enough it is viewed that, in these cases the Christian's family or other loved ones become the most vulnerable of attack as opposed to any other thing - including the most heinous habitual sins. In effect, believers are less likely to follow the call into ministry due to the fear that the family could come under attack of demonic power.

Mild forms of hysteria can easily ensue as families and congregations focus more and more on attempting to avoid demonic influence. Times of worshiping and waiting in His Presence is cut short to anoint and pray against demonic attack, because the belief is that when one is close to God, Satan is bound to advance. Burgeoning lists of rules - set to protect people from demons - become entanglements of legalism and choke out people from faith altogether.

Yet, perhaps the most tragic detail is that, through this view, people are being given the dismal belief that Satan is somehow on the same plane as God. Satan is treated as if he is omnipotent and omnipresent such as God is. God is taken out of His place as Protector and loving Provider of His own people, and we are placed with the impossible task of staving off hordes of powerful and malignant spirits in an all-ensuing battle. Moreover, as people are so focused with battling against Satan, they are failing to focus on the direction of God. In her article Liberty Savard, writer for Charisma Magazine, writes:

"God is telling us that what will bring about the healing of the land is His people's turning away from wrong attitudes and self-centeredness. He does not say anything about warring with Satan to heal the land." [In reference to 2 Chr. 7:14] 4

Whether the view is that demons are everywhere or that few are anywhere, most agree that it is not God's plan for His people to be so concerned with Satan's presence that we leave the presence of God.

Isaiah 14:16 says that once we see Satan for who he is, we will simply ask ourselves "Is this the one who shook the earth? Who made the Nations tremble? What? That's it?" But here is the key to that: I don't believe we'll say this because we'll see Satan simply for who he is - we will see Satan in relation to who God is! Once we are face to face with God's glory, there would be no way that Satan or any demonic army would seem powerful! The question is: When that time comes, how much time will we have regretfully wasted fretting about whether a demon was giving us a cold?

So in simple, we should be wise to give credit where credit is due - and only where it is due.

1. Article - "Religious Rock - The Music of Devils in the Church" by By Alan Yusko and Ed Prior
2. Mega Essays: Essay excerpts - The Girl's Role in the Salem Witch Trials
3. Great Bible Study.com - "Casting Out Demons"
4. Charisma Magazine - "Stop Blaming the Devil" by Liberty Savard.

Elitism: The Holes in the Search Party

2009-02-17T00:55:00.000-05:00

There is a story of a toddler that wandered into a corn field. Small searching parties took shifts wandering through the large field for days in hopes of finding the little girl. On the third day, a neighbor approached the family with an idea: The entire searching community would stand side by side on one end of the field and walk through - that way no inch of the cropland would go unreached. This time, the search revealed the child - only she had died of exposure hours earlier. As he held the lifeless body of his daughter, the father repeatedly asked the same question: Why hadn't anyone thought of searching like this early enough to save her?

David B. Barrett, the head contributor to the World Christian Encyclopedia, spent the mass of his life to what he has termed "missiometrics", doggedly studying and counting all of the faiths and believers of those faiths throughout the world. 1 He has personally visited most of the countries of the entire globe collecting this information. According to his findings, within the Christian population there are 33,820 protestant denominations - 6,161 of those being in the United States. 2

Some of these splits and denominations are able to be charted back to the New Testament Church; many are somewhat lost within the tumble of the last century or so. But what can be even more eye opening is the fact that individual churches may operate under a certain denomination without adhering or agreeing with that denomination's set agenda or doctrines. With this in mind, the number of individual church denominations skyrocket. Even more so, within the walls of most churches lie the individuals - each holding his or her own trusted doctrine. 3 & 4

The danger does not lie within the idea of people grouping together with what they trust in worshiping Christ. The danger lies in the mostly useless and quietly impeding processes of elitism and superiority. After all, there's nothing wrong with all the cheerleaders and football players in a high school forming tight friendships. The problem comes with an endemic of popularity and personal hierarchies that seem to consume the student population of the school community.

While most people agree that this viewpoint is destructive, it is still deceptively enticing. Few even realize that they are even dabbling in it until someone gets hurt. This prideful view is also the main issue when one is faced with finding that a doctrine or understanding is in need of shifting. Once elitism sets in, the heart becomes involved more intimately with the faith itself, not the Author of our faith.

When speaking of his studies on Calvinism and Competitive Christianity, Ryan Murphy states:

"Way before Calvin pinned The Institutes, Luther banged a nail into a door, or Piper made mongerism popular, Jesus Christ was moving in the hearts of men to live authentically for HIM. They didn't need anything, BUT HIM!" 5

The crazy thing is: once people get over the fear and doggedness of doctrines and having every theocratic ideal down straight... once a person - or a group of people - lay aside having to have all the knowledge of the Bible, they quickly become empowered with the knowledge of having Jesus Christ as their Savior. For once more, the fervor for the doctrines becomes a fervor for the things of God. Suddenly the focus turns from being right into being righteous - a difference in terms that far too few Christians seem to understand.

The truth of the matter is that no people are going to be able to completely agree on everything about God this side of eternity - simply because we aren't able to be completely immersed in His glory. Ignorance and Understanding will always be a line of separation. What must be acknowledged, however, is that there is much to be done, and as a follower of Christ, we are indeed called into His work. Though we may not agree on the doctrines of speaking in tongues or the ever-so-deceptively-dividing subject of "once saved, always saved", we can all agree that 6

286 million people have no access to the Bible.
7,000 languages have no translation of the Bible.
1,540 million Christians are considered 'inactive' in Christ's world mission (while only 690 million Christians today are active)
And that less than 10% of Christian outreach and evangelism targets non-Christians.

As one looks at the worldview of Christianity and the sour point of elitism one must ask: "At what point will we, in essence, stand side by side in order to find the lost of the fields?"

Links:
1. Salt Lake Tribune's article on David B. Barrett.
2. Article of Barrett's Statistical findings and the World Christian Encyclopedia.
3. Wikipedia chart on the branching of Major Christianity from Early Christianity.
4. Wikipedia chart on the branching of the Protestant church.
5. Ryan Murphy's article "Competitive Christianity and Elitism".
6. Steve Addison's article containing facts from Missiometrics 2008.

Full Circle

2009-01-31T03:27:00.001-05:00

While packing, I happened across an old journal. It starts on the first day that I was in Pottersfield Ranch (June 2005), and ends in mid-January while I was in Hollywood. I thumbed through it, laughing sometimes... rolling my eyes others. Even cried in a few passages. It's amazing how full-circle things can be.

The following was written in late October of 2005. I had forgotten all about this passage until I had uncovered it from within the dusty cover of this leather-bound journal. It was a very sincere (all-be it rare) entry of supplication and praise. It was a very sincere prayer then, and I'm posting it as a renewed prayer in my life now.

"God is so absolutely incredible. How did I ever live without Him? I guess the only way was that I didn't know what I was missing. I know that God rushes to my side. He waits to see my eyes open in the morning, and kisses them asleep at night. He delights in sending me "love notes" to make me smile.

He holds me steady in times of trouble and holds me close in my misery.

He loves me in my weakness, instead of in spite of my weakness, and then redeems my imperfections into priceless jewels of my personality. With His pierced hand, He wipes away the iniquities of my heart, along with the tears on my cheek. He fervently searches in the darkness for me, and rejoices when I am found.

His heart beats out the rhythm for my song; the ballad I love to sing. He breaks concrete to plant a flower for me; He stops traffic so I may safely cross; He pushes away clouds so I can see the sun.

His pleasure comes from my smile, He lives to hear my laughter, and He silences all of heaven as my whispers of "I love You, Lord" resounds off the mountains and echoes in the valleys of His heart.

He cloaked His own glory in wrappings of flesh, knowing the evil in my heart would send Him to the grave. And from the grave, He came back for my hand in marriage, for He died to conquer my death so that it could never separate us again.

Search out the darkness of my heart. Evict the fear from my mind like you throw out demons from Your Presence. Burn away my iniquities and tear down strongholds with Your hands. Let all that I am shout out Your praise. Let my gown be Your glory, and my crown be Your praise. Let Your love pour from my eyes and Your grace drip from my lips.

Engulf me with Your burning passion, for You are my King and my greatest desire!"

Thank Heaven for Hard-Hitting Journalism (if you can find it).

2009-01-12T15:19:00.000-05:00

Here's a fun little project. Bring up a window on your computer and look for some news articles on Barack Obama. I looked up Barack Obama + news and all I found was old information on his campaign, and articles on his winning the presidency. If anyone finds anything different (on this date), I'd be grateful. I guess I'm a complete oddball, because I'm interested in what his plans are for the presidency and the nation in which he's going to be responsible for.

Now look up Barack Obama + dog. Go ahead. Do it. You're going to find a plethora of websites and articles about what freaking dog is going to be in the white house. Fox, CNN, ABC all have regular updates, The Chicago Tribune proclaimed to have allergists advice, while Barbara Walters dedicated her final question of her ABC Exclusive interview with the Presidential couple to the dog options. During the interview, Presidential Elect Barack Obama states:

"We're getting more advice about this than my economic policies. No doubt about it."2

"Presidential Dogwatch 2009" is popping up everywhere, including satiric debates on Comedy Central. I've even spotted updates on the CNN ticker more than once. And it's not just the U S of A, either. BBC News offered an in-depth feature on what would be the best choice for the family, which opened with the amazing statement:

"US President-elect Barack Obama is still working on the make-up of his cabinet. A far more important decision - for his daughters at least - will be choosing the puppy that accompanies the new First Family to the White House."1

When I saw a television news segment on this little tid-bit the day after Super Tuesday, I thought "Well, it's nice to have something a bit on the lighter side." After all, it's nice to see the more human side of our leaders - especially after the tearful statement Presidential Elect gave to his daughters that they would indeed get the puppy they were promised if he were to win the presidency.

But at this point, this is just stupid. It's not the fact that there's articles on the future First Pet, it' the fact that there is very little information on what is actually going on with our future leader's plans, and it doesn't seem like many people are asking for it.

President Elect Obama takes office in a little over a week, and I still haven't any real word on what he's going to do there. His whole campaign was based on the "Change" platform, but not once was I ever given an idea of what changes were to be made. Will the color blue be illegal? Will goldfish be allowed suffrage? I wouldn't know simply because no one seems to really care enough to ask.

But thank the stars above because I can rest assured that there will either be a Labradoodle or a Portuguese Water Dog in the White House. After weeks of direful insomnia I can finally sleep tonight, because every time I thought that it might be a pug I had to change my underwear.

The reality is that, these days, journalism is a business that depends on the lowest common denominator. Unfortunately, that denominator is what we - the public - pay for. Are we satisfied with not knowing what our leaders are going to set up for us? Is a Cockapoo or a Schnoodle going determine our unemployment rate, our tax spending or our international policies?

We really must communicate with our journalists and hold them for the responsibilities they have taken. As journalists, we expect them to inform us of the world that we cannot completely access so that we can properly determine our next steps, lest we simply hand over the power that had been so sacrificially won for us, through willful ignorance.

Links:

1: BBC News In-Depth report on the First Puppy.
2: Walters' interview with the Obamas. (Video of full interview available in this article).

Religion Industries: Wisdom Tree

2009-01-04T05:36:00.000-05:00

American Christian Culture tries to "live up" to standards of the world. So now, there is a whole Christian industry. The problem isn't the fact that there are Christian companies, it's the fact that the products aren't made for the purpose of being a good product, but simply to be a "Christian alternative" to everything else (I mean, seriously - do we really need "Testamints"?)
I suppose I could become vehemently angry about these things. Yet, it would be a waste of energy. Instead, I think I will study the things that are somewhat laughable, and point out what makes them so.

Being in the video gaming industry, I have to bring up Wisdom Tree. (Formed by the developer known as "Color Dreams") This was a "Christian" video game licensing company, that "opted out" [a.k.a. refused to follow] Nintendo's licensing program - including a rather skeezy workaround for the lockout chip used in Super Nintendo games. Please note that this licensing program was set forth to ensure that a certain standard would be met for video games.

The whole selling point of Wisdom Tree was that these were to provide a Christian influence in a video game. Unfortunately, they fell pretty short with providing much content for anybody. In an overview of these games, Nick Gibson states:

"Their original purpose was to 'take the garbage out and put Bible content in.' They did, but the way they artificially injected Bible content-combined with the fact that it's in such small quantities-makes it easy to pass over or simply ignore it." 1

To top it off, most of these games are near blatant rip-offs of more popular games, or re-hashing of games earlier sold by Color Dreams. Spiritual Warfare is described as a "Zelda-like clone" by MobyGames.com. And, of course, there is the monster known as Super 3D Noah's Ark. It has all the markings of a game called Wolfenstein 3D. And why wouldn't it? It uses the Wolf3D engine created by id Software. There is a rumor that the developers at id Software gave the coding to Wisdom Tree as revenge for Wolfenstein 3D not turning out as well as expected. This article on Wikipedia.org further explains:

"The level layouts, weapons, and enemy behaviors in the SNES version is identical to Wolfenstein 3D, but the graphics were changed to reflect a non-violent theme, with enemies simply going to sleep instead of dying. It is unclear whether or not the game was actually officially licensed from id Software, or simply an illegal bootleg."2

It is also an interesting note that Super 3D Noah's Ark was the only SNES game that was not given the Nintendo seal of approval. For the SNES, Nintendo created the "lock-out chip", thus making unapproved (i.e. games that couldn't match the level of quality or legal standards) unable to work in SNES console. However, Wisdom Tree found a way bypass the chip by fashioning a cartridge in which the user had to insert a licensed SNES game into the top. And this was not some random information that those at Color Dreams had happened upon. Wisdom Tree worked very hard to keep a step ahead of Nintendo to continue making these games without Nintendo's approval. When RetroNintendo.com interviewed Brenda Huff, from Wisdom Tree, she had this to say about the lack on Nintendo liscensing:

"Since Wisdom Tree games were licensed by Color Dreams who had legally reverse engineered the NES system and then created the game boards and plastic, we did not have the legal issues so many other developers had. Our major problem was circumventing the lockout devices Nintendo put in their game systems. We actually had 6 versions of our games to keep ahead of the lockouts."3

I really have a problem with how skeezy that is, considering that this was supposed to be a Christian developer. I understand that being grandfathered in through Color Dreams kept them from being sued by Nintendo - so what they did was not completely illegal. However, it is the sense that the company bypassed these regulations simply because getting the products up to snuff just was not profitable enough. After all, doesn't the life of a Christian implore excellence? Shouldn't we deal with everything we do as if it were important enough to work our very best?

Again, there is nothing wrong with a Christian based video gaming company. The problem is that these games are very poorly made. I understand that there may not be as much money immediately pumped into these projects as the mega companies, but in this case, the problem isn't so much the funding.

If Wisdom Tree were founded by people that were Christians that had an honest passion for video games, the games would be awesome! But it's a company that was founded to provide a "Christian alternative" to everything else. It wasn't about the games, it was about the Christian image meeting the standards of the world - in this case the growing interest in video games. Unfortunately, when that became the main focus, Christian and non-Christian video gamers alike got burned as the titles fell painfully short.

Links:

1. Wisdom Tree: Developers without a License
2. Super 3D Noah's Ark Wikipedia
3. RetroNintendo.com's interview with Brenda Huff of Wisdom Tree
4. Wisdom Tree's Website

Who are you?

2008-12-31T04:40:00.000-05:00

Scot McKnight once wrote that reputation is how the world sees you, and that identity was how God sees you. At times I am able to see things (including myself) as God does. Certainly I'm more likely to view myself in the world's eyes.

The most frustrating part of the world's eyes is that the view is incomplete. If someone were to ask me the question "Who are you?" I would have a rather half-witted answer. I could state some hobbies, some physical attributes, some personal history. But the reality is that, chances are, I have very little information on the subject.

I had always said that faith wasn't about religion. That it wasn't about church or having friends or being a good person or feeling good about yourself - that it was about a relationship with God. But then I began praying a dangerous prayer. I prayed for a real relationship with God. A relationship like those I had always read about in the Bible. A relationship like what is offered from the pulpits across the world every Sunday. The one that seemed so great between the disciples and Jesus. It was then that God had sent me away from home.

A lot has occurred since I left home in June of 2005. Many little things, some big things. The easiest way to sum it up, is that all the things like church and friends and being a good person and feeling good about myself is all but gone. At this point, I know that where I am are a part of the answer to my prayer. If I were to have known the physical implications of my prayer, I probably would have still asked - but I'm not certain that I would have had I known how hard and confusing things would be. Perhaps ignorance is, at times, a blessing ;) .

With everything being stripped away, my faith has become more dependent on the relationship, rather than the religious environment. And with that relationship, what is my identity has slowly begun to be more apparent.

The hard thing is that I now have a mind that doesn't always agree. A voice that isn't always heard. I get frustrated with things in American Christian Culture. I get venomously cynical at times. I'm apt to say things that people may not like. I'm inexcusably imperfect.

But I'm more real now than I ever have been - more real than some people will ever be.

That is why I decided to start this blog. Chances are, no one will ever read it. Maybe some day a lot of people will. I would love it if people became interested in what I have to say (even if it is to laugh at me). Perhaps if some people would, they would learn to look at things differently. Maybe a light will go on somewhere. But really, that isn't the point.

The point is this:

Whether anyone knows it or not, I exist.