Dear Mr. President,
I would like to make an approach to the important issue of nuclear disarmament. Not long ago, I watched an old B Monster Movie titled “Gamera the Invincible”. It’s pretty similar to the Japanese film “Godzilla” - although with a giant turtle trying to eat Tokyo rather than a lizard. Have you had the pleasure of seeing this film, Mr. President? I must say, it’s a great movie to watch, but when the Godzilla-like sequence becomes a real experience, it becomes somewhat less pleasant.
Long before I discovered this gem of the classic monster movie era, I was a carefree seventh grader heading to my first classes of the year. Mr. President, I was ready to take on the word. I gleefully strolled the hallways, excited for the hope filled future that awaited me. How was I supposed to know the horrors that really awaited me, Mr. President? How was I supposed to know?!?
Erupting from the tranquil existence of summer vacation came my home economics teacher. I’ll just call her “Mrs. H”. Let me tell you, Mr. President, Gamera has nothing on her – nothing. Gamera eats fire? Mrs. H ate fifty minutes of every school day (not including homework, Mr. President). Gamera was the enemy of Japan? Mrs. H was the enemy of the Human Spirit!
I must say, I can support Gamera on some fronts. You see, Mr. President, Gamera was awakened, he didn’t know his purpose. Yes, at first he chose to destroy Japan, but in the sequels he came to the aid of the country. It was even said that he loved children. Mrs. H’s class also had no intelligible purpose. She had us making Play-Doh and was dressing the boys in Salmon colored shirts. Salmon, Mr. President. I hear that she’s eaten children in her sequels.
At least “Gamera the Invincible” had a good moral to take from it. The movie taught us to be kind to our planet. Mrs. H’s Home Economics class? Mr. President, it was in that class that I lost my religion and determined to destroy the entire universe. Did I wait for her “sequels” like I have for the installments of Gamera? No, Mr. President, I prayed for disease to save me from her classes. And I tried to fight her, Mr. President, really I did. But, our complaints simply bounced off her indestructible scales of tenure and shattered hopelessly on the battlefield of our counselor’s office.
I’m certain few would argue the destruction caused by these two almost unstoppable forces, and recant of their release. And how were they released, Mr. President? Nuclear bombs. Yes, Gamera was awakened from a nuclear test bomb, and Mrs. H awakened from the baby-boom after Hiroshima, but all the destruction can be ultimately traced to the same source. Look at the facts, Mr. President. I’m certain you’ll agree that Nuclear disarmament is the only way to assure such horrific creations like Gamera and Mrs. H will never be unleashed on mankind again.