Why I Never Post

For all two of my readers, I'm going to lay it all on the line. I just don't post. Practically ever. You probably don't really care, as this blog isn't exactly the highlight of your lives, but I tend to think that if I sit down and hammer out a post on my blog someone will stumble upon it and be all like "This is the greatest blog EVAR!"

The only problem is this one, simple fact: I make writing extremely 'effing difficult. Over the years I've seen so many movies, pictures, t.v. characters etc. that showcase writers all laid back and calm, sipping hot coffee in a corner of a cafe as they type up an amazing something.

Unfortunately that's not me.

There are about a ellebenty thousand arbitrary ritualistic rules I put on myself for writing. Like, right now? I'm trying to ignore most of them. I've brushed my teeth, brushed my hair twice, and gone to the bathroom twice. Now three times (brought on because I thought of it). I go to the bathroom as a part of this weird pacing regime. When I first started writing, I was almost always completely alone in a house when I wrote. I would write a couple sentences, get up and pace back and forth through a couple of rooms with some sort of inner monologue concerning what I was writing about. It's a weird tick, I know, but it worked for me. But since then I've moved into a place with other people. I can't pace throughout the house anymore, and my ticks must be confined to my own room. I can tell you, there's not much pacing to do in one room. So I wind up with this overwhelming urge to pee every 20 minutes or so. I tried to appease my pacing oddity with just kind of standing in my room shuffling a little side to side or swaying back and forth, but doing so brought these horrible images to my mind of crazy people in mental hospitals that do that, and got freaked out that perhaps this is how it started.

The biggest 'rule' I'm ignoring is the clean and organized desk rule. My desk is currently piled with stuff, and I just can't really concentrate because for every phrase I type I stop and think "I need to put the box for my Photoshop program away. Where can I put it? I don't just want to toss it in my desk area. Maybe in my bottom drawer? No, that's where my electronics go. Maybe I should just take the disk out of the box and put it in my cd case that has all my other programs in it? AND THROW AWAY THE BOX?!?" That's just one item.

And, if it was just the problem of the desk, that wouldn't be that bad. I could technically organize my desk in a half hour or so, but I can't organize my desk, because there are a few items to be put in other places. So, I'll pick up something off my desk, go to put it in its place, only to start fumbling with everything else that's there, re-assessing why I've put it there and trying to decide if there is a better place for it.

Wow, am I on a tangent. Back to blogging. So yeah. Writing is seriously hard when you're an effing psycho. I recently purged a couple big time rules I had about my blog, namely I'm going to write about what the heck I want to write for the sake of writing. I've tried to keep a more... um... formal writing style, usually trying to be informative with some of my posts, and I've spent years desperately thinking about a theme or area of topics to stick to. But since I can't write anyway, might as well not write about everything. Another arbitrary thing I've slaved under is this horrible fear of unoriginality. I don't want to possibly write in a way that's similar to someone else. Now I'm like "Eff that. I'll write how I want, even if I want to write like someone else."

Take this post for example. I was cruising the internet a few weeks ago when I came across this blog, and was amazed by two things: This person was hilarious as all get-out, and "Holy crap, I can draw pictures for a blog?!?"

I don't know why the thought never crossed my mind before: A blog doesn't have to be a giant wall 'o' text. It doesn't have to be about something uber-important, or written in some amazing Oxford-style writing.

i coold eeven ryte lik dis if I wanted to. But I don't want to because people that write like that make me want to falcon punch babies.

But from now on I'll just write about whatever the heck I feel like writing. In anyway I feel like writing.